A man barely alive - we can rebuild him

 I am starting a campaign. Perhaps we could all get together and vote this lovely mushroom into power. It seems to make as much sense as voting for some of the wannabees that are running for office these days.

Just think we would see the yellow morel at state functions, running on roads with the Olympic Torch, giving speeches and opening things like schools, hospitals and sports stadia.

Can’t be any worse than what’s there now

There is a shop here in Texas, and all over the USA, called ACE Hardware - it’s an old-fashioned hardware store franchise selling bits and pieces for DIY-ers. It has lots and lots of tools for sale. There are electrical tools, pneumatic tools and hand tools. Wall to wall tools.

I have only been in Texas for three years and I was surprised to see that London has taken such a strong liking to tools. The biggest tool in the ACE hardware store doesn’t even come close to the tool that they have just elected Mayor of London. How can an object of pure derision when I left the UK garner 1.032 million votes in an election? It’s a serious question - how can the people of London conveniently forget that they live in one of the most prosperous cities in the world and how can three fifths of the population not be bothered to vote?

Cor blimey luv a duck, 65 years ago London was at the forefront of the fight for freedom in Europe. That freedom included the right to a free and fair democracy. People died.

Bovvered - they can’t be arsed to get off their lazy holes and use a right that people in many other countries would die, and are dying, for. Use the vote or lose the right that so many died to give you. That’s how politics gets marginalised, infantilised and open to the advance of the extremist (not including the current mayor I hasten to add). 

Well done Boris, I hope you represent your constituents with pride. I’m off to Ace to find a 14.4V rechargeable Boris - I’ve got a brain to remove before I get back to the UK.

It’s like that moment in “Dallas” when Pam Ewing finds Bobby Ewing in the shower and says, “I’ve had the most awful dream.” I hope that I wake up tomorrow and find that there has been a recount of Zimbabwean proportions.

Aisle 5: Borises, routers and barrel scrapers.

As I prepare to leave old Texas for a return to a new life in Scotland, I am disappointed to report (if blogging is reporting) that the Mavericks have crashed out in the first round of the playoffs again. It’s just another Texan door closing behind me on the road to the airport in June. On my first night here the Mavs won and they were a constant presence in my televisual schedule.

2006 it was the Heat in the finals.

Last year it was Golden State.

This year it was the Hornets.

The moral of the story is that if you stay the same and everyone else improves then you will inevitably lose out. The Mavs just have to reshape, regroup, get younger and play better next year.

 I am off back to Scotland at an advanced age to start my life over and see what tomorrow will bring. It’s exciting.

Bloggers of the world unite. That’s a net oxymoron. Like tolerant facist. The more I thought about returning from the real world wilderness the more I found that I was not interested in the internet as a communication mechanism but there have been a few incidents that have made me punch the keys once again.

1) Why do the press concentrate on unimportant issues like what Barack Obama’s preacher thinks, instead of concentrating on the Obamamama’s ability to manage and run the Government of a country which some people (American’s mostly) think is the greatest country in the world.

2) Who would care about Miley Cyrus’ photos if the press didn’t stir it up

3) George Bush was an embarrassment at the Press Association dinner.

4) Craig Ferguson did his bit for the environment by recycling 15 year old material at the same dinner

I hate to be controversial but the world can’t change until a significant proportion of the population stand up and demand change whether it’s Darfur or global warming or oil industry profits or defeating the islamo or christo fascists. Is it just me or is the news media doing a f*cking good job of suppressing the news? Sorry for the language.

Oh and I know why the Austrian wine industry is on its arse. They aren’t using their cellars correctly.

Benazir Bhutto decided to go back to Pakistan. Someone decided to kill her. 120 people died.

I am so sick of politicians massaging their own egos. I am so sick of terrorists massaging their own egos. I am so sick of hearing the news that innocent people have been killed because two egostical standpoints cannot co-exist.

To profess an opinion would be too egotistical.

We could all end this madness if we spoke out. Unfortunately, our leaders are egotists.

Peace.

I think that the hardest thing to avoid thinking about when you are in the back stance with your front leg in the air is that scene from the end of the Karate Kid. The hero is faced with the hardest kid from the Cobra Kai dojo and the K Kid has a broken leg (or the equivalent thereof).

He stands arms aloft on his good leg and waits for the inevitable attack from the villainous Cobra Kai Black belt. The K Kid is armed only with a pure heart and household cleaning techniques. As the lightning fast attack starts, the K kid leaps and lifts the head clean off the CK kid’s shoulders (in the unrated version).

We got taught that tonight. I obviously need to paint more fences because I was crap at it and I kept falling off my balancing foot.

Sumimasen Mr Miyage, maybe next time.

SI: 62
BI: Toast (fresh but not hot)

It’s Sunday night again and the weather is rolling in. A severe thunderstorm is forecast and we can see the beast approaching in the distance. This is what living in Texas is all about, everything is bigger in Texas apparently. We will find out in 20 minutes.

I can’t think of original thought tonight so I will not post anything more than this. Taekwondo tomorrow and I will continue the quest for physical and spiritual perfection. My unbendy body is mocking me today, I can’t really move anything like I should be able to. Ho Hum.

The rain has started and the distant booming, ripping, crackle of thunder is getting nearer. I can hear it overhead, louder now. It’s coming. Aaaargh….

WOW!!!

I am a thicko when it comes to American History. I am sure if I was an American citizenship candidate, I would do pretty badly on the test. Yes, they do test prospective citizens. I would do pretty well on any baseball questions that related to the past 3 seasons but I dare say they don’t have those kinds of questions.

I didn’t know that the State of Oklahoma was so young. It was 7 years old at the start of world war one and only 38 at the start of world war 2, that brings to mind all sorts of questions such as: would I go and fight for a country that had not accepted my father as one of its citizens, (see chronology) or would I go to war in the Pacific in WW2 for a country that may or may not have been mine at the time of my birth. Native American history is not one of my strong points but I would love to find out more. It strikes me that these true Americans are those who have lost the most by the formation of a country around them that, until 1919, excluded them from the process.

I am, like so many others, completely ignorant of history. Maybe I should study a bit more - maybe I would like it.

In Anadarko, last weekend, the Kiowa and Apaches celebrated long remembered raids on the Spanish forces who occupied New Mexico. They also honored the Native Americans who fought for a country that had taken so much from them. Tolerant and accepting: that’s not what hollywood would tell us. Brave - still to this day.

Nothing to do with Taekwondo - or maybe it is.

It is a true pleasure to get out and spar for the first time with the advice and wisdom of two dan grades to spur you on. I was really nervous prior to the sparring but I watched my son do so well that it encouraged me to try my best. I found it completely different to a normal up and down practice and not altogether painless but much more rewarding that striking thin air.

My fighting style is that of a bull standing in the middle of a field recovering from a stroke. I am completely left sided and I struggle to believe that I would punch or kick anything with my limp, wet lettuce of a right hand/foot. I am extremely devoid of coordinated movement on the right hand side of my body. I will resolve to try and practice more with my right side than my left.

I really was very proud of my son tonight for his going into his first real sparring session. I was also extremely proud of my daughter for coming along and giving taekwondo a real shot. She is unconvinced but I can see a real spark of interest and I hope that she sticks with it. She has plenty of self confidence anyway but martial arts really gives you a confidence boost and I can see her getting real benefit from the self discipline that is required to study taekwondo or any other fighting style.

My fingers are still improving - sore - not black anymore - and are almost able to form a proper fist. I can see a real difference in my own flexibility too and even though I feel about 75 sometimes I have noticed a lowering of my body towards the ground. Side splits here we come (in a couple of years). The good thing is that I can kick to the target area and so I can spar quite effectively.

BI: Sandcastle (Wet)

Stretching: 64